Tuesday, March 9, 2010

just Shake'm In

It has been about three years since I invested in buying new undergarments for myself.
A few weeks back I decided it was time, well our dryer did.
So after our dryer ate several of my silkies.
(Of course I waited until the dryer was fixed.)
It was time.
I was pretty sure that I needed to by a smaller size!
Yeah, for me. On the bottom end but not the top end.
Upon delivering our last child my weight was 220lbs or so.
Now I teeter at about 165lbs, depending upon the glorious monthly cycles.
Which of course adds 5 to 8lbs, plus the extra weight put on by cyclic cravings.
So when do you know it is time for a new bra and panties?
When your dyer eats your clothes.
The obvious, you have to wash too often.
Because the supply doesn't meet the demand.
You lean over and your under wire pokes you in the eye.
Or this one:
Upon leaning over to scrub the tub you come to the realization that your shrunken, saggy used up lactation devices are sloshing around in side the bra cup.
Oh what a sad day!
For the bottom end, well I'll have to bring it up again.
That monthly cycle wears on the silkies down here.
Our cycles really have an affect every aspect in our lives
I was pleased that on the bottom I could purchase a smaller size in the waist.
The waist is measured not the "buttocks," there is still plenty there.
The thighs and hips are packing most of the weight.
Some say, "more cushion for the pushin' "
So, I shouldn't worry.
I don't want any injuries anyway.
Where is this leading?
Why can weight loss be proportional to "OUR DESIRE?"
Yes, my top end shrunk, yet there is still a lot of cellulose on those thighs and hips.
The top end wasn't that big to begin with either.
Even prior to child bearing years.
You'd think that after all that we go through to have children.
We'd come out on top.
We deserve it, right?
As you know, this is not how it works in the real world.
The real world, not of that of "silicone valley"
We are left, plump, stretched out and a whole lot saggier.
Due to the economic state of the world.
A trip to "silicone valley" just ain't gonna happen!
So my only choice is to buy a new bra.
So there I am getting fitted for a new bra.
Out comes the measure tape.
I will reiterate, there just isn't a whole lot there.
The bra I was wearing is a 38 C.
I now need a 36 C.
Wait a minute, that is the same size cup.
It just doesn't make sense, to me.
The kind, well trained, much older lady helping me.
Graciously, informed me,
that the "cup" of the 38 C is the exact same cup as the 34 D.
Hence my sloshing problems.
Go figure.
The lady assisting me is very knowledgeable in the subject of bras.
It is important to wear your bra " properly!"
She adjusted the straps.
So that the back of the bra fit straight across my back.
and not at an upward curve.
Next, I had to bend over at my waist and back up again.
Evaluating to see if the bra stayed where it was supposed to.
Move your arms around to check comfort under the arm area.
A quick check to adjust the under wire to the proper spot.
Using a little "push up motion," provides a proper lift.
Last but not least, sit down.
Is your left over "baby bulge "or "muffin top" squishing up
causing any discomfort?
Now for the most important tip.
How to put your bra on.
After you fasten the clasps, pull up the straps and in one smooth motion.
Lean forward, gently pulling the upper portion of the cup and strap forward a bit and
you "shake'm in" to fill the cup.
The cute little lady actually leaned forward,
demonstrating this process for me as she explained .
I was in awe.
I make my bra choices and go forth to the check counter.
Again the darling lady informs me of how to wash, dry and store my new bras.
Ready for more info?
Don't wear the same bra two days in a row.
Switch them up a bit to keep their shape.
Don't fold one cup into the other one to store in your drawer.
Lay your bra out so both cups are looking you in the face.
Washing. Make sure you fasten the clasps before washing.
This helps the clasps from getting bent out of shape.
COLD water wash ONLY!
Always wash your bras in a mesh bag so that they don't get all tangled up and stretched out.
....and NEVER, NEVER , NEVER dry your bras in the dyer!
After washing, use your fingers to gently smooth out and reshape the cup.
Again, lay flat with the exterior of the cup out.
Who would of thought that you could receive so much bra training in one day.
I guess I should be happy that I was sized for a 36 C and not a training bra.
Remember to shake'm in!

4 comments:

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Too funny!

Mrs. NB

Boy Mom said...

I want to see an old lady shake, shimmey and roll, oh wait, I do, in the mirror each morning.

You are so cute.

Anonymous said...

WOW! Who knew buying a bra was so complicated? That is a lot of bra info in one session. How did you remember it all to write about it? I get the "shake 'em in" thing, I do it every morning. It gives Grandpa I. a good laugh for the day.
Love,
Grandma I.

Kirsten Amelia said...

Oh my gosh I was crying I laughed so hard!:)