Sunday, March 4, 2012

The ROLL of Toilet Paper Genetics

GENES...we all have them. Scientists are continually mapping out genes. They make us who we are, how we look. Genes are also a controlling factor of our actions and behaviors. I can't deny that I have more than a few quirky genes. So, I am not out to belittle or pick on the uncontrollable behaviors of male gender in my home. This is purely a theory or hypothesis, with mounds of evidence. Due to all need for genetic mapping and understanding of the human genome, most assuredly science hasn't tackled this one yet and probably never will. So, here is your chance to understand one of the genes that the male gender is lacking or the appropriate trigger to cause this gene if present to begin functioning properly.

More often than not, I find the toilet paper roll empty. I ask, is it a hard task to replace it? I shouldn't even have to ask the question. The answer... uhm I shouldn't have to to address the issue. Should I ?

My views really differ from those of the opposite gender in our house. It must be GENETIC, thus relieving them of any conscious awareness of the matter.  Genetic make up is also the reason I am bothered by the neglectful ness of the male gender in this regard. Women do not have the," slothful toilet paper roll gene." We do however have the, " know how things should be gene."  I witness to you that it is purely genetic and that it only gets worse.

I find the roll empty, I replace it. But wait, I can't, there is not any more in the bathroom cabinet. Oh, what to do? Duh, go downstairs and get more rolls to replenish the supply. Simple  and easy. Not only to stock the cabinet but actually put the new roll on the dispenser. Who would have thought of doing such a thing?

Now the male gender in my home, I must admit will get a new roll out, if there is one readily accessible. Where is the new roll placed? Most often found sitting on the back of the toilet. I find this frustrating. Why? I assure you that the next time this person uses the bathroom HE will not need to sit to use the facilities! Wait, maybe here is the answer. He has done his "duty," for the day. Not worried about looking for the toilet paper, because he'll just, pardon me, " shake it dry," next time.

The gals in the house on the other hand, will have to reach back behind to find the roll. It should be directly to the side, conveniently handy. I really find this bothersome, yes I am uptight. I know!  I take medication for that disorder, apparently not enough. Notice I said disorder, by all means genetic in nature, but it can be treated.  There isn't a drug that can change the genetic disposition of the,"slothful toilet paper roll gene." Sad, I know.

As I said, it only gets worse. If a new roll is found in the cabinet and not placed on the back of the toilet, it is frequently found sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Once again, not where it belongs. I admittedly acknowledged that I don't have to twist around to find the roll, it's directly in front of me, hidden behind the shower curtain and potentially soggy.

We have a tiny bathroom. One could be in the shower and if need be, take aim for relief without getting out of the shower, if you are a male. Us gals don't have that option, we scrape our elbows on the bathroom cabinet, where the additional toilet paper is found, and bang our knees on the bathtub. We women have it rough. Sadly, our bathroom down stairs is smaller. If one is sitting your knees will rest against the door when closed. This is the teenage sons toilet. Guess where the toilet paper is? Yes, back of the toilet. He is genetically inclined, not to put it on the edge of the shower, no tub here.

Back to the issue at hand. The other morning I had used the bathroom and the toilet paper needed to be replaced. The cabinet was empty as well. As I am leaving the bathroom one teenaged young man enters the bathroom, obviously not taking note of the empty roll. I proceed in my march downstairs to get the needed supplies, unawares to the young teen. My little princess was with me. I asked her to take the toilet paper upstairs to her brother( 3 ROLLS). She excitedly ran up stairs and placed the toilet paper rolls just outside the door. When the teen realized his predicament and open the door to holler for help, to his surprise he found just what he needed. A bit later he asks, "did you put the toilet paper outside the door?" "Yep, well your sister did. I asked her to put it there," I said. "Oh, thanks, when I noticed the roll was empty, I started stressing,"says he. Now, I wouldn't want anyone stressing in the bathroom. It can be very detrimental to ones well being! "ELVIS." A few minutes later I pass by the bathroom and notice... 2ROLLS of toilet paper sitting outside the door. I turn to the teen sitting on the couch playing 0 with his Ipod and ask," REALLY? I save your butt and you can't put the other rolls of toilet paper away?" "Uhh..., sorry," he says. I shake my head. I pick up the extra rolls and go into the bathroom and put them in the cabinet. Yes, I also took the new roll off the back of the toilet and put it on the dispenser. I am trying not to mumble too much, because the male gender in my home do have the," lift the seat up to pee gene." Well most of them. That is one thing their father has drilled into their heads, SO HAVE I! Sitting on a wet seat is the worst. Almost as bad as not having toilet paper readily available. I am thinking, by telling you this theory, I will be more accepting to the lack of the gene that says," Oh, I used up the last of the paper, I ought to replace it so that next person doesn't get stuck without." It is not pleasant to be stuck in the bathroom.